Last week I took 2 days holiday at Thursday and Friday due to Shahnaz condition. I was stay at home with Shahnaz for 4 days (including weekend). I started to realize that being stay-at-home mom’s (SAHM) isn’t bad at all and indeed its very fun, since I can spend my time doing things just for her, with her. I suddenly think to stop working and nurturing her at home, rather than sending her to daycare everyday.
I realize, being a stay at home mom is one of the hardest jobs that exists. Some people do not realize how hard it is to stay at home all day-every day to chores and caring for the children. Especially when you meet people commenting “oh you don’t work”, with the smirk face unaware that its the most noble job. I do want to be part of stay at home moms, but I quest I created not to be part of those moms. Perhaps I will change my mind sometimes, but stay at home will be more significant for infant or toddler. Soon after your children off to school, they will stop making you as their first choice in a playmate. Dilemma right??
I feel I just cant be a stay at home mom…. The problem is, since I was a child, my Mom always told me that it will be better to work and receive my own money. “You wont have any clue, what will happen to your husband, so better to prepare your self with your own job and your own money”. She mentioned it dozens of times, and she ensures us, her daughters, at least got a bachelor degree to find a proper job. FYI, my sister worked as a notary and has her own office.
Another problem, I, my self, is a PhD holder. I am a Dr. Eng graduated from a university in Japan. Hello…. why should I took this high yet prestigious academic rank if I will stay at home ? it will all become “mottainai“, as Japanese said for waist of opportunity. Apart from that, Alhamdulillah I got a good fortune to work in a university, a prestigious university, as a Postdoc soon after I graduated. So I just grabbed it, perhaps if I dont have any job offer, I will be a stay at home mom now (笑).
Hubby, since we decided to married, told me that he will be OK if I stay at home after we have a baby, but he will be more OK if I work as well. He believes that I will be a good mother even I work outside. I should take it as a compliment, since it means I am a handy and multitasking woman. Yes, you should agree with that if you saw me working at my paper buy still working on YM, FB, and blogging at the same time. hahahaha…
Another problem again… WE NEED MONEY. We have 2 loans for 2 houses at Indonesia, precisely at Bandung and Jakarta. If I stop working, Mas’s salary is actually able to cover all loans and our household budget here, but we wont be able to save any. That is become our concern; why I need to work. We need to save a lot before we decide to go back for good to tanah air tercinta. Errrr… we need cars, need furnitures for our house bla bla….
Even though we don’t have much saving money now, because we put it all for down payment the house at Jakarta (笑).
Another problem (I assure you, this is the last), I like shopping. I wont be eager to spent our household budget for shopping what I want. I need my own money, not only for shop, but I need money to assist my family if they need it. One more thing, I used to work since I was in bachelor degree. I did part time job to get my own money, paid my own tuition fee. So I cant imagine my self without my own money. Soon after graduated from bachelor, I got a job shortly, and since Master and PhD, I got scholarship. Allah SWT keep provided me with a lot of rezki… Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillahirobbilalamin..All praise is due to Allah… *Should praise Him better than usual…(*sigh*)*
Well, all of those problems seem to be parents egotism, but we believe, InshaAllah we put Shahnaz in a good daycare. The teachers there are professional, even we know it couldn’t replace our love, but at least Shahnaz is in a good hand. I start to work at 10 am until 5 pm. So first face she sees every morning is still my face, I still able to bathe her twice a day, I am still the one who sing lullaby for her every night. I still able to visit her every day at lunch hour, since it very close to my university. I would not miss many things, but I must admit I still miss many things. Dont meant to make you confuse, but in 24 hours, I lost 6-precious-hours with her. I could not put a price tag on these hours. But there are so many choices in life, so much angst that we couldn’t bear off. We just find the best win win solution, and we know its not as easy as said but we will try our best…
We promise each other to give Shahnaz and her siblings (InsyaAllah) the best of our best. To cherish them with our love, our care, and we will try our best to be a good parents for our children. There are still many things to do, still a long way to go…
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